


It'll All Come out in the Wash-ington

by AnonEhouse



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Gen, Missing Scene, Not Sam Wilson Friendly, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Pre-Civil War Team Iron Man, Team Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 19:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12464226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: What if Tony had talked to Rogers right after SHIELD fell (was pushed), when Rogers was in the hospital and dopey enough to let down his guard and talk freely.What if Tony got more than a hint of things to come?





	1. Chapter 1

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

 

"Ok, so your old friend was brainwashed by Hydra, and has been assassinating people for over seventy years," Tony said, after he found his way to Rogers' hospital room, thanks to TV news and a hospital staff friendly to Iron Man who naturally would want to see his teammate. The teammate who hadn't called him when shit went down. Rogers had been all bubbly happy to tell Tony all about his bestie who was so wonderful despite being the Winter Soldier for Hydra.

"No, he didn't," Rogers said, and the guy sitting next to his hospital bed nodded.

"You can't put the blame on him," the man said, scowling at Tony as if he'd kicked a puppy. "He had no choice."

Tony waved. "I'm not saying he wanted to do it, but the fact is, he DID."

"No, he didn't," Rogers said. "He saved me. He's my friend. We have to find him, Tony."

Tony blinked. "Pretty sure if he's been doing this for seventy years, he's a lot better at hiding than we are at seeking."

"So, you aren't even going to TRY? Captain America asks for your help, and you're going to pass, because it's too hard?" Rogers' visitor spoke up again.

"Who the hell are you?" Tony asked. "And what business is this of yours?"

"Sam Wilson." Wilson put his chin up proudly. "I was there with Steve, when you weren't. We took down Hydra and threw all their records into the internet."

"What?"

"Hydra infiltrated SHIELD," Rogers said. "They tried to kill me." He sounded annoyed. "Nat and I were on the run and we didn't know who was Hydra, so we went to Sam. I met him the other day when I was jogging. He's a counselor at the VA. And it was lucky we did, because he's a pararescue and pilot for the...what was it... EXO-Wing?"

Tony's jaw dropped. "What?" he said again.

"He's an Avenger now," Rogers said firmly.

"What the everliving fuck? Wait. Let's back up a minute here. I heard there were three helicarriers dropped in the Potomac. That's all I heard. What's this about Hydra and records? And the EXO-wing? That... no, that program was cancelled. They mothballed the prototypes."

"We liberated it," Wilson said, sternly. 

"It was... you broke into an army base and stole my EXO-wing?"

"Yours?" For the first time Wilson stopped glaring at Tony. "Hey, great. You can build me another one then, the first one got smashed to hell."

Tony opened and shut his mouth, soundlessly, and then he turned his attention back to Rogers. "Setting that aside for the moment... records?"

"Nat put all of SHIELD's records on the internet," Steve said, smiling broadly. "All of the Hydra double agents' identities will be revealed."

"Jesus Christ." Tony pulled out his phone. "JARVIS, emergency, search for any mention of SHIELD on the internet, locate all the agents you can, and their families, personal information, whatever you can get. Get any tech, especially of mine, any missions, anything sensitive. Bury it on the Stark Dark web."

"I regret that much of the released data has already been downloaded multiple times," JARVIS replied.

"Track the downloads, cross correlate with any unusual activity..."

Rogers scowled and interrupted him, "These secrets should be aired!"

"I don't fucking believe you." Tony turned from him. "JARVIS, activate all functional armors, send them to protect the agents most at risk, inform local law enforcement wherever they have a chance of getting there first. Anything I've overlooked, use your own initiative. Send my suit, now." Tony slipped the phone back into his jacket pocket. "Congratulations, you've probably killed more SHIELD agents than your friend Barnes."

"Bucky's innocent!" Rogers said. "And when I find him, I'm going to make him an Avenger."

Tony backed up. "That's NUTS. Do you know Romanov investigated _me_ for weeks before Fury would tell me anything about the Avengers. And then he told me I wasn't good enough. I'm STILL only a fucking consultant! But you can just make this guy and your zombie assassin friend Avengers on your say so?"

"You never were a team player, Stark!" Rogers snapped. "You never take orders! That's why you're only a consultant."

Tony blinked once more. He softened his voice. "And now that you've destroyed SHIELD, you're the only authority? You own the Avengers?" Tony smiled without humor. "Enjoy it, boss. I'm out of here."

The suit flew through the door and assembled around Tony. Before he left the room, he heard Rogers tell Wilson, "Don't worry about Stark. He needs us."

 _Yeah,_ Tony thought, as he took off, looking at the display showing the nearest agents in trouble, one blinked red and then vanished, too late... _I need you like a hole in the head. Avengers was a stupid name anyway._ "JARVIS, call the contractors to gut the Avengers' rooms in the Tower. I could use more lab space. Oh, and order a new sign for the building. Stark Tower is back in business."

"Very good, sir," JARVIS said.

"It's you and me, buddy, just like old times." He felt a weight lifting off his shoulders. He was lucky he found out about Rogers now, before he felt compelled to step in to take over SHIELD's support of the Avengers. That... that would have been a nightmare.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mr. Stark." 

There were a lot of people approaching the podium now that Tony and Bruce had concluded their presentation on the new Stark Free World Purifier. Bruce had argued that the name was ridiculously misleading. Tony argued that they were providing the water purifiers free to needy communities around the world, so it was perfect. 

Tony looked at the pretty woman wearing a sheriff's uniform who had made her way through the crowd and got within touching distance. She smiled at him, and held out a bunch of envelopes. "You have been served," she said.

He shook his head. "Bruce, could you..."

"Yeah, ok, sure." Bruce took the papers from her. "I accept the service on behalf of Tony Stark," he droned. "He has a condition," he told her, with a grim look on his face.

She looked sympathetic, and walked away.

"Ok, what did I do now?" Tony asked once they had got backstage where the staff kept the crowd from following.

Bruce put on his eyeglasses, opened the first envelope and pulled out a piece of paper. "Huh. Nothing, apparently. They want you to testify against someone else. Something about military property being stolen, and they think you heard a confession? Oh, wait. There's more." He opened the second paper.

"You've been watching late night infomercials again, Bruce." Tony kept walking towards the exit.

"Apparently Rogers skipped out on the hospital bill."

"What's that to do with me?"

"He tried using SHIELD's insurer, but _someone_ threw a bomb into the building, and you know... poof, no insurance. So then he put down Stark Industries, and being Captain America, they didn't check until too late. He said, 'just trust me', and they did." He took off his glasses and looked at Tony. "Seriously, that works?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "It does for him. So what do they want from me?"

"It's just a request for any information you have about his whereabouts."

"Spring."

"What?"

"What follows Winter. JARVIS has been keeping an eye on Rogers and his fucklings, but so far they've been moving too fast to be apprehended."

"Ducklings."

"Six of one, half a dozen of the other."

"Ok, fine, stop shoveling salt on me, you know I agree with you." Bruce gave Tony a shoulder bump. 

Tony grinned at him. "Brucie-bear, you are the green wind beneath my wings." Tony frowned. "That sounded better in my mind."

Bruce chuckled and put his eyeglasses back on. He opened another paper. "The Avengers' gear now has a big Stark swoosh on everything. They want an explanation how they acquired it."

Tony peered at the enclosed blurry photos of Captain Nomad, or whatever he was calling himself since America got pissed at him. "JARVIS, magnify and sharpen." A holo formed. Tony pointed at it. It was a swoosh, but the word under it was 'Hammer'. "JARVIS, send that to the relevant parties. Also, notify the S.I. lawyers, pull a few off the case against the Brainless Trio for breaking contract with S.I.'s proprietary information by releasing the data dump, see if we can get Hammer on trademark infringement, or at least dilution."

"Oh. Hammer's out of jail?"

"Yep. Good behavior, and something about having helped stop an assassin sent by the Ten Rings to prison. I'm not sure how he did it, but my money is on something stupid that accidentally blew up. So he got his company back and they're no longer on the verge of bankruptcy. He apparently stole some of Vanko's work, don't quote me on that, but it actually works, so I doubt Hammer had anything to do with it." 

Bruce was looking long-suffering, so Tony hurried to finish, "So, yeah, I knew he was out of the slammer. Wonder if he still has any of the gift soap I sent him?"

Bruce sighed. "This isn't about soap. Hammer is providing fugitives with weaponry and gear."

"Yep, sucks to be them." Tony smiled brilliantly at Bruce as they exited the building. "I have most of the surviving SHIELD agents on payroll, searching for them. _My_ guys have Stark equipment."

"Any word on Nat... Romanoff," Bruce asked. "They were a bit... rough on her."

"Eh, spiders can regrow legs, so what's a few breaks? I'm sure the prison doctors will take good care of her." Tony reached the limo. Happy opened the door for them.

"Boss," Happy said. "Do you want the latest highlights?"

"Sure, it always relaxes me." Tony settled into the back seat, and Bruce followed him. They opened up the snack bar, and as Happy started driving, they settled down to watch a monitor showing clips of the Avengers around the world, getting the crap beat out of them. Wilson's Hammerwing folded up like a fan, and he fell, landing on top of Rogers. Barton's bow snapped in half, and he beat people over the head with it. Someone threw rotten fruit at him. 

Bruce grunted. "He should have stayed home, with his family."

Tony nodded. "That was a surprise. I never thought he was the family man type. I guess I was right. The poor woman had to have the divorce papers published world wide in order to get them finalized. Have a blueberry?"

"Don't mind if I do," Bruce said. "I feel for her, though. They interviewed her. It's rough, two kids, and no income, nothing but a 'hobby farm'."

Tony shrugged. "She doesn't even have clear title to the farm. SHIELD bought it and hid the records."

"I feel sorry for her," Bruce repeated. He was smiling slightly.

Tony threw up his hands. "FINE! I sent her enough money to set up a business. It's a good investment! Wasn't her fault she trusted an Avenger."

"Yeah, that's a mistake anyone could make." Bruce nudged Tony and pointed at the monitor. Someone got Rogers right in the face with a Casaba melon. "That's gotta hurt."

"Yep," Tony agreed happily.

Happy drove the limo smoothly. People waved as they went past. It was a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While Wilson hadn't signed a non-disclosure as an Avenger using Stark gear, he HAD signed one when he was in the military using the Stark exo-wing.
> 
> People throwing fruit at Team BUCKY BUCKY BUCKY because they're going around the world smashing up stuff trying to find him. Without Tony's backing, they're not able to be sneaky about it (yeah, Nat supposedly was able to hack by typing for 2 minutes on a computer in a store- I don't buy it) so instead they're grabbing people they think might know something and beating the crap out of them.
> 
> Romanoff was caught by the Ex-SHIELD agents when she tried to distance herself from Rogers because she could see that was a trainwreck. They had more incentive to go after her, because they felt personally betrayed, and also they KNEW her ways and could figure out how to find her.

**Author's Note:**

> Past bedtime I decided to read a little supposedly neutral Post Civil War fic... my mistake. Tony was grovelingly apologetic for Everything -Ultron, the Accords, the Avengers being fugitives, and he was pathetically useless (Nat showed up and had to order him to get out of bed, to eat, to shower, etc.) and he was desperately longing for the Avengers to return because they were his only friends and he missed the camaraderie which... what?
> 
> I just... couldn't help thinking, what if Tony had found out what trouble he was setting himself up for by taking in the Avengers... what if...
> 
> So here it is going for 3 a.m.
> 
> EDIT: WOW, I got to bed at 4, woke up at noon and my inbox is exploding. I think I struck a nerve. :^) Ok, I'll see if I have another chapter in me. No promises, but I'll look into it. ;^)


End file.
